Emotions are the language of the body. Just like heartbeats and the gentle sound of your breathing, emotions are information, ready to be interpreted. Emotions are our body's way of saying, "I need something!"
Boredom is an emotion. Physically, you feel restless, maybe frustrated… you start moving your muscles instinctively, maybe jiggling your leg. All of this creates a picture, and the signal arrives as a message, as if whispered into your ear, I'm bored. You need to move. You need to change what you're doing. You need more stimulation.
Hunger is an emotion. Your stomach grumbles. Or perhaps you have a headache. Maybe your relative comes into the room and asks you a perfectly normal question and you feel a little bit irritated with them. Ping! Message received. I'm hungry!
One degree of emotional awareness is interpreting these messages; having a connection to what our body is trying to tell us. We all fall somewhere along a spectrum with this, and our histories influence us greatly in how we interpret these signals. For instance, someone who grew up with a father who often yelled at them might feel anxious at a football match where men are shouting in support of their team, even though they are safe at the football match. It is such a complex process, and it all happens so quickly and reflexively that people can feel like an enigma to interpret at times.
Photo by James Kirkup on Unsplash
We can choose to grow a connection with our body and explore an openness to hearing its messages. Through this, we are strengthening our emotional competency. The simplest way to start is to pause when an emotion arrives and ask yourself one question: what is this feeling trying to tell me?
For example, what can I learn from this tightness in my chest as my partner at work is yelling at me? There is a feeling of constriction in my throat, almost as if my words can't escape with the same power. We can label these physical sensations as emotions like fear, or anger, or tension, or stress. And then we ask again, what is this feeling trying to tell me? Maybe I need to tell my partner that they can't raise their voice when they are speaking to me. Perhaps I need to tell them that we are going to take a break until they can speak to me with respect. Or, maybe I need to change my job. I might think that I need to speak to my therapist. I could decide to meditate on the issue. Whatever I choose to do about what is happening, I now know this: the emotion is telling me that I am feeling threatened, that I am feeling unsafe, that I need to change something about this situation.
Repeating this process each time an emotion presents itself, and answering the need it brings, gives us agency over our own emotional lives. This grows outwards towards others too. We will inevitably start to wonder about their emotions. Someone might snap at us out of nowhere when they don't usually tend to be cranky. And now that we've grown our emotional competency, we might pause when this happens. Instead of snapping back automatically, a thought might pop into our heads. I wonder if they're hungry? When I’m really hungry, I’ve noticed that sometimes my head feels hot when someone asks something of me. That my chest tightens, and I feel like shouting at them even though they haven’t done anything wrong. We check the time and realise that it's 2pm and neither of us have had lunch yet. We suggest we get a bite to eat and revisit the topic later. They visibly show relief.
Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash
When we strengthen our relationship with ourselves, we are inevitably strengthening our relationship with others too. This is the enormous value that comes from taking the time to grow our relationship with our own emotions. It spreads beyond us and our internal world, because we are all inextricably linked to each other. We are each other's environments. We cannot help it - our emotions can be catching. Or we can take some agency over the situation, and pause, and reflect.
Emotions are invaluable gifts. They are our ultimate guides to ourselves. They are a life guide. Whenever we have moments of doubt, or purposelessness, or confusion, we need to follow our emotions. If we listen, truly listen, our bodies will lead us where we want to go. They will lead us towards who we want to be.
